Seasons of Sylvia: June - October 1981

June 12, 1981

June 12, 1946 - God, I was in the heavens!

Today we would have celebrated 35 years. I did so want at least 50! I wasn't ready for what happened, but I am so thankful for having had a marriage that was good for 33 years.

Everyone thinks I'm so brave,but You, Lord, know better, don't you? I can't hide from You.

Lord, I'm not able to understand all that happened but I can accept it, and that, in itself, is the miracle of Your love and Your life in me.


July 24, 1981

"I love Thee, Lord Jesus
 And Thy love to me,
 Draws me ever to seek Thee,
 And run after Thee"...

Praise the Lord! It's so good to sing along with the saints in Dallas.

I'm one with all the saints in every place who call on the name of the Lord!

Oh, Lord Jesus!


August 18, 1981 - Tuesday

Joey left for college today - you'd think I would be getting used to these "good-bye's", but no way does that happen. The last is as sorrowful and heart-tugging as the first!  But, Joe is my last baby bird - no more to fly from my nest.

He left me a beautiful note under my pillow - "baby bird" had as hard a time as "mama bird" did...

"I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward" - Gen. 15:1

Can my heart wish for more than this? We can stand in His promises. I'm writing these words on the blackboard of my heart a thousand times so that when I feel sad, I'll call them to mind and find joy in the minute or hour or day.

I read this poem not too long ago and I'm sure it was meant for me for just this time...

     Oh time, be slow!
     It was a dawn ago I was a child dreaming of being grown,
     A noon ago I was with children of my own, and now,
     It's afternoon and late and they are grown,
     Time, wait!
                                      (Mrs. Billy Graham)

Beautiful words written by a christian mother and I boldly borrow them for now.


October 13, 1981

Lord, thank You for giving me someone like Stan - he's been so kind and caring and supportive through these weeks of loneliness for me. And I love him as my son. His "pop-in" visits have been such a bright light for me and now I am having to tell him "good-bye" too.

Good-byes are so aching - they're like doors closing on a part of your life you want to keep open and as it is - but, I am happy for Stan - he has a better job, and because I love him, I have to let him go, too, with a blessing and not tears. Watch over him, too, as You watch over all my children.

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( I love reading my mother's thoughts. In the midst of her sorrows, her love for her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, always shines through... May all those reading and enjoying her journals see her Christ and come to love Him as she did.  Cynthia)

Seasons of Sylvia: April / May 1981

April 4 - Sat.

 

Joe's been gone for a week at Cindy's and Harry's and the house has been so still! But he's coming home today and I'm so glad. I have missed him so much! A picture of things to come, I guess - sometimes lonely, sometimes too quiet, sometimes too still - a home without my last child. Gonna be rough, but I do have a new job to keep me busy and that will be so good for me.

 

 

Friday, April 24

 

Oh, God, we lost Jimmy today - Joey's "brother", my "other son".  So young to die, never having lived at all yet.

 

My heart is screaming with the pain and sadness over losing this child. Please God, help Joey through this sorrow, he's so young to have to bear so much, but You can help him bear this extra load with ease and peace.

 

 

April 26, Sunday

 

Oh, God, we've come through a hard week.  It was so bad to have to say "goodbye" to Jimmy - my heart hurt so for Joe - he looked so bowed down, so lost. Please lift him up to You, Lord, and don't let him lose his Christ in all of this.

 

Thank You again for his many friends who were so supportive and comforting and offered their help.

 

Thank You for Cindy and Harry and the children this week-end - they helped us to be joyful. Thank You for Joe's job that kept him busy -

 

Thank You for Yourself through all of this -

 

 

Mother's Day Eve

 

I remember one eve of mother's day many years ago when Mearida said, "I'm gonna get you into your new house in time for tomorrow", and he did! What a beautiful Mother's Day present. What an exciting, fun day!

 

I feel sad today - I don't really know why except that maybe being a mother means sharing a part of Mearida, and since he's gone, even tho that part of him brings me joy, it also brings me sadness because he is gone. I don't like being just a half!

 

 

May 17

 

Baccalaureate! I cried watching Joe and I know if you were sitting beside me, your eyes would grow misty, too. You were such a dear softie!

 

He's a wonderful boy, but you knew that and I'm so glad! Our baby is a young man, honey, and one we can both be proud of - he's a part of us, but he's also a son of God's and that's the best of all.

 

May God preserve his going out and coming in from this time forth -

 

 

Graduation Day

 

Red pencil day!! We did it! 12 years behind, 4 more to go!

 

Big night planned for the grads - it's been a busy week!  Next week, exhaustion for sure.

 

I'm thankful Joe has a happy heart - we missed you, Mearida, but I know our spirits were in communion - Joe and yours and mine and God's!  Can't get any better than that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seasons of Sylvia: February / March 1981

February 6, 1981

 

"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."  Hebrews 12:11

 

"And He said unto me, My Grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."  II Cor. 12:9

 

Cindy sent me these two beautiful verses in her letter today. She must have been hurting today. Our children loved their daddy - Lord, keep them in Your Peace and strength, also.

 

Thank You Lord for spirits in communion today - Cindy's and mine.

 

 

Monday, Feb. 16, 1981

 

Spent the week-end with Bridget and it was like "old times". You can go back if you go back to the right people. We laughed over past and present times, got to see old friends, cruise "Main" - it's changed; growing pains that tend to change some things for the worse and that's sad, but old friends are special folk and I liked seeing them again.

 

A lot of my life is back there in DeRidder - it will always have a tugging hold on a corner of my heart.

 

 

February 28, 1981

 

One whole year - seems like just yesterday my heart stopped beating, too, and yet it seems like a hundred years of this emptiness in me.

 

Feb 28 - I'll not forget you, you're embedded forever in  my hurting heart. How ironic that on this day one year to the date of his death, Mearida's mother was laid to rest. Two people so dear to me to die within a year of each other.

 

Grandma Redmond was my dear friend, not just my mother-in-law. From the first I saw her, I loved her, she loved me and together we loved her son.

 

We thank You, Lord, for a good husband, a good daddy and a good mother-in-law and grandma. Some of the children were here this day for support and with love.

 

March 7, 1981

 

Oh Lord Jesus - my hurts feel raw today - I feel so weak and tearful, and at other times, so strong.  Up and down, up and down, and yet I know You are with me wherever I am.  That's a consolation and a peace for me.

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(Cindy is me. DeRidder is where we did most of our growing up. Bridget Gates was one of mom's lasting friends from her years in DeRidder. A few months before mom died, Bridget had her daughter drive her to Baton Rouge to visit mom. Momma's reaction was tears and "I never thought I would ever see you again in this lifetime." Bridget was faithful to sent cards and notes each month to stay in touch. Each card was received with smiles and sweet memories mom had of her long-time friend. When mom died, Bridget again made the trip to say goodbye to her dear friend.)

Seasons of Sylvia: January 1981

January 1, 1981

 

Happy New Year, World!

Happy Birthday, Me!

 

It was a lovely day. The Children called with "hello's" and love and good wishes. I have Joe and Melissa here with me.

 

Thank You for Your blessing and Your mercy.

 

Joe baked me a cake, Melissa "helped" but fell asleep before it was done - all tuckered out from the full day's activity. Joe and I lit the candle (one was all we put on it!) and I made a wish and we celebrated.

 

Thank You, Lord, for a caring Joey and for all my kids and family. I'm one lucky lady!

 

 

January 2, 1981

 

I miss Mearida - I'm glad the holidays are over. They were lovely, I shared them with loved ones, but it wasn't the same and I don't suppose it'll ever be.

 

Phil. 3:13 "...forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before..."

 

New beginnings - Lord, help me to continue a walk with You. I mustn't be afraid of my tomorrows for You are already there. And thank You for all my yesterdays - some good and some not so good. Thank You for a good childhood life, loving family, the privilege of allowing Mearida and me to meet, fall in love, marry and bring 6 children into our world.

 

Thank You for choosing me, showing me Your Life. You are a merciful Christ.

 

 

January 5, 1981

 

Mearida's hands - big, strong and so capable and lovingly tender. The same hands that could fix the plumbing could tamp down a pipe, roll a cigarette with cowboy ease, change and diaper a baby with tenderness, spank hard at times, teach all the kids the tricky task of tieing their shoe laces and love me.

 

His hands were farmer's hands once, caring for the land and stock; capable, competent hands at driving his tank or jeep through land mines in enemy territory, doing a job for his country; loving hands of a husband and lover; strong, protective and tender hands of a daddy, and last of all, grandpa's hands - playful, tickling and so loving.

 

It's good to remember him so.

Sylvia

Mother died over a year ago, and it has taken me this long to be in a position to deal with her house. My dad died over thirty years ago, and she had all those years to putter around that house, arranging furniture, buying stuff, and buying more stuff!

Momma was able to take items and arrange them together and the feelings evoked when you looked at her home was "homey", "peaceful", "I could live here!"  But, without mom to truly make it a home, it's just a house with lots of stuff needing to be dispersed.

All six children have homes with their own things, and we are having trouble releasing items to new owners. We want to keep her things, but where to put them? So, we are making hard decisions on what to keep, what to give to friends and family, and what to give away.And we need to do it in a hurry. We have a buyer for the house and we need to be out in the next month.

Harry, Kara, and I went to Alexandria a week or so ago to spend a few days there to sort through some of the items that need attention. In a drawer in the living room, I found journals written by mom over the years. It seems she started keeping her thoughts written down after dad died. I don't remember her ever keeping a journal in all the years of growing up and visiting. I didn't know she was writing anything personal. I thought she was keeping a journal on her enjoyment of the ministry messages and meetings.

 

I realize how important it is to have all the children see her writings. She wrote about births and deaths and daddy. With that in mind, I am going to transcribe her journals to be shared with her children. As I read the first journal, I cried the two hours it took me to read through it. I not only saw my mother as a grieving widow, but I was able to "visit" my momma again. (She was "lost" to me so many months before she died).

 

As you read her thoughts concerning her children, her loss of her husband, her God;  I hope you can see the woman I was able to love and honor and truly enjoy for the many years given to me.